the use of the F word has risen significantly

ughhhhhhhh I'm so tired and have been tired for weeks and I keep...going.... and the weekend hits and I can't seem to just calm down. Now unfortunately I'm also slightly homeless. I say slightly in the sense that I'm not entirely without places to stay, its just that I really hate imposing on friends and frankly monday thru thursday nights with the exception of wednesdays, I just want to be alone...my parents house is a wonderful place to stay, also comfortable and my cat is there, but its way too fucking far from Sudbury, I've made the commute up in three days and I just get so tired...waking up at 5:30 and coming back there at..8:00pm...and then going to sleep in like an hour and a half, its no way to live. I'm a little bit screwed. Also I had to pay a lot to fix my car from all the commuting so that sort of wiped out the security fund. Around here there's really just nothing, anyway, not even a room to crash in. I didn't really have these 'oh shit' kind of feelings but we have this huge storm coming today and it'd just be nice to be securely somewhere. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going tonight. I am so sick of driving. :(

BLEAH!

UF. some days I think repairing the international space station would be an easier job than mine.

anyway I never update this thing but have lost any will to keep doing what im supposed to so here goes.

me and the wee mars are having troubles finding a place to live!! i should clarify. mars is happy and content in westport its just that her MOTHER misses her and I'd like to think mars misses her too. also every day it depends on my mood, if im gun-hoe for living with a roommate or two. today im all about not. and so far with roomates they do not want a cat. i can understand.

craigslist makes me dizzy. speaking of dizzy i need to get super glue to fix the wing on my glasses.

ughhhhhhh.
xo

MOVE # 17

aaaagh. shit. moving in september, or ideally, august, and i'm sad i can't afford a lot of places on my own in boston. this is going to be tricky...

update!

i have much to report but unfortunately i haven't figured out how to use this thing via the ipad so I might have to use some other method besides blogger, which frankly, im open to..tumblr seems to be more my style (sorry blogger). so far this summer has been nice and ive been on a strict limeaid and hot dog diet combined with lots of bike riding. some plans for at least three photo projects in the works however, I need like a whole day to do them. i finally stopped obtaining polaroid cameras, i sold a lot of them anyway to pay for the ipad, which was fine, i think storing so much stuff like a squirrel in my room was/IS overbearing. can't purchase anything unnecessary for a while as I need funding to move. i didn't remember this decision though yesterday when i bought more polaroid film. shit. oh well. i should work.

Lost is fucking stupid. I had a wonderful weekend. Bunnies and j.

Rufus the Raccoon

My head was about to explode at work. Then I found Rufus.

4AD thursday

4AD. best label ever. i had no one else to listen to the cocteau twins either as a teenager, except for my cousin and his goth friends. and if i was still living in nebraska i might not be saying any of this stuff at all. gosh. its a wonder i came out ok.
we're posting videos. unfortunately mine keep disappearing, I do not understand!
oh well.
its sunny out today,unlike the last 3 days, i had a blues attack at the bar last night and worried a couple people which i was surprised i did----its the first time my disappearing had gone noticed! felt pretty cared about.
grieshaber yelled "SNAP OUT OF IT!" to me.
ah. blues never hurt anyone (that is not true).
at least i didn't pull a stunt like that adorable penguin from encounters at the end of the world. he REALLY lost his way.
better-ish today. sleepy. im supposed to drive a long way to go to umass tonight. i could use a shower, i was too lazy to take one this morning. and a nap. and to clean my room and maybe start....packing things in boxes....or burying them. I feel like that would be easier! like a bunch of time capsules.
if anyone wants a typewriter now would be a REALLY ideal time to ask me, because I read something on "hoarding" and I got scared. (though I forget, I'm confined to a small room with many many things....so it definitely looks like crazypersonville in there)
oooh. ipad funding is almost complete. :)

i really feel at the mercy lately of the weather. eeeesh. though today it looks like the sun....oh wait... nope..not here, it was here earlier.
my mom called me yesterday to say she was looking at a giiiiiiiiant rainbow in westport! she said the last time she saw one that big was the day I had moved back home in 2005. that rainbow was insane... i have a photo of it somewhere and I should find it.

memorial for the rabbits who drowned in the warwick mall flood tonight at thee fez! instantly will cheer up! until then I have to find some photos with "more bleeding". ffffffffffff.

bunny cast

yeah, im just going to say it. its really nice not being the only one that appreciates 100 year old birds on perches, moreso, seeing one get excited about how fluffy and sad and ugly with a hint of cuteness baby turkey vultures look. little things like this. god they are bad..baby birds never ever look good initially. loneliness again gets temporarily put on hold and back in its suitcase. i had a nice evening i just wish i could fix more things. and started to space out just now. just overtired. mogwai tunes on all day.
today im pretty tired and useless. in rhode island right now it seems like everyones getting pelted with hail and thunder and lightning. man, that little state has gotten such crazy weather the last few months! id like to go listen to the rain and...hammock.
ok thats all for now. tomorrow ill scan some more bird prints and maybe see if its possible to scan the glass negatives too...

I don't mean to brag...

but I keep obtaining more and more cameras for FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! and polaroid film! bwahahahaah!

so the latest good grab is as follows:

i was doing some spying on ebay for a polaroid id portraiture camera--one that would take 4 photos on a sheet. Or 2. Or 6. Sure enough I found one, and hidden in the description of this camera was that it included some film. A photo that accompanied showed a wealth of polaroid film - 600 and spectra... definitely expired but not horrifically expired. Had this been made aware of in the description it definitely would have been bid on.

Naturally, I used my paypal credit line and obtained this camera.
It showed up today at work.

To my disappointment however, I found no way to turn this on, and also saw that there was a section for a key. Digging through in research, I found that the only way to turn this camera on was by a key, which was not included in the box. I called the company i got it from and they didn't have the key and said "we'll just refund you, you can keep the camera." 3 minutes later I got refunded the amount of the camera plus the shipping in my paypal account. AND i get to keep the film for free.

So just now, I called someone from a laminex distributer in New York, who was extremely friendly, and inquired if I could get a key. I gave him my the serial number. Sure enough, there's a key that will work for this, that I am getting sent at no charge.

:)

So once again, I got a free camera and will find way less space in my room to store it.

the end!
xxxxxxooxoxoxoxoxo.

whhhiiiiiissssssskkkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyy bunny!

It is a joy and a privledge to be in the company of an ex-Prof. named Whiskey Bunny. I can't wait.

happy 20th twin peaks/smiling and sleeping at a rest stop

so the brattle is playing the pilot episode and the first 4 episodes of twin peaks tonight....so i could do this for 20 bucks (2 different screenings..the 3rd and 4th episodes are playing at 9 or 9:30). however, I'm currently typing this sideways as I am so so so sleepy and staring at a computer all day certainly doesn't help, though listening to every instance that Gordon Cole appears in twin peaks certainly did.

Yesterday I took Russian panoramic photos of a new friend I've made. He is about a foot tall and has a big problem (or solution, if you'd like to look at it that way!) with whiskey. His name is Whiskey Bunny. Poor whiskey bunny. I saw him fall down a lot. I wish I could have gotten there earlier when Kevin was giving shots of gingerale to a little 8 year old kid that spent his birthday at the fez with whiskey bunny. Wow...imagine whiskey bunny being available to cater to kids birthday parties. Those kids would certainly have something to brag about on the bus.

Afterwards, I listened to more pretty tunes and laughed and watched someone glow in a car for a couple hours until the providence police told us to leave. At some point a gigantic van parked in the fez parking lot. maybe it had been there the whole time but when I saw it i kept staring at it. really. as soon as i get my car in my name, and as soon as the whole issue of driving daily gets resolved by whichever means end up happening, I really do want to get a windowless or heavily tinted van. call me a c hild molester, but I could definitely hole up in one of these and this would solve a lot of issues involving money. of course that would mean though that living with mars gets delayed even further. and.....ill be 27 and in a goddamn van. something is very wrong about that. who would love a girl that lives in a van? well....if it was an Astro van, that's a different story.

Oh, so to wrap up my evening, I got way too tired to drive so I ended up sleeping in my car at the rest stop on route 95 near 495. initially I parked and had my window down to feel the breeze but then realized I was definitely in a "female car" with a lot of big trucks around. granted though this is a giuant rest stop so I had one whole parking area to myself. climbed in the back to my trusty 1983 batman sleeping bag and pillow. I found an unopened bottle of raspberry lime poland springs seltzer so that ruled. and then i woke up to the sound of cars on the highway and the sun coming up. so thats where me and my tight pants are right now.

also last night saw meg elias. we are not related but its funny she has the same last name as i do! she is cute.

I'm going to a goth night on Friday. Maybe going to design an outfit with my feather collection.

OK!

haha, its silly that im posting this, but yeah, its 9:33 and I am still at work for I got my slide film in and was so excited that I had to scan it. And seeing as I no longer have a computer, and my scanner broke, work is the only option for me to do so, and after hours.

I am going to go have a drink and then go for a bike ride.

problems and solutions to a store window, filled with old polaroid cameras.

Hey. You know what? Never give up. And don't inquire about store "decorations" around christmas time.

So back in November '09 or so I decided on my break at work to go to the whole foods in Wayland to purchase soap and probably an overpriced lunch. Whole Foods drives me nuts but when I do go in there it makes me want to get creative and start cooking a lot, unlike when I go into Foodmaster where the thought is "What here is microwavable?" So I noticed there was a store called Photo Video Store a few stores over in the plaza and I decided to take a look at what I thought appeared to be things with lenses in the windows......I got closer...and closer...and then neurons burst for in three of the windows on each little shelf was a little antique camera!!!! One window was mostly 35mm's, another brownies, one shelf had the cutest TINY little yashica, maybe it was 6x6, but the window that grabbed my attention was the one filled with polaroid cameras. SX-70s, pack film cameras, a couple of the old kodak ones, some regular polaroids..... and then I looked in the store and saw even more way high up near the ceiling on a shelf.

Naturally, I thought "Fuck whole foods" and went inside this photo shoppe.

Inquiring about the cameras, I learned that they were from the original owner, who was in his 70s and came in very infrequently. He was an obsessive collector of old cameras and had way more in his own home. I mentioned I , uh, liked polaroids. A lot. Were any of them for sale? The man behind the counter said not technically but he'd ask the owner and for me to check back. I walked away very intrigued.

Two weeks from then I called the shoppe, again, inquiring about the cameras, could they take my name and number. Sure.... but this time a lady was like "I don't think he'll give those away." "I can pay for one". "I don't think he'll sell them." Ok.

I didn't hear back, so another week later I called and the owner actually was there. Someone asked for him that a lady was interested in buying a camera. The owner said yeah sure..$25.00 would be fine. Wow! I thought. Except that I didn't have $25.00 until the next time I got paid and was commuting to work via whatever money I could find. Then I got busy and just never ended up going to the shoppe.

Christmas time came around and I made the mistake of going there like....really close to Christmas. The old owner was there and NOT in a good mood. "Hi I'm the girl that was interested in the..." I was cut off. "NO WAY. Look lady, just..not now. Unless you have $10,000". "I don't".

So I was kind of bummed and figured that was that and i had a pile of cameras anyway but no sx-70. Then finally my dad found his old one and gave it to me. Then I obtained another one at a goodwill. Not the folding kind but the more modern one with the built-in focal distance. Then I tried some sx-70 film. And then this was amazing and I kept thinking about this store.

So today, Monday, April 5th, I had to go to the photo shoppe anyway to pick up some slide film that I had been waiting 3 weeks for. It was ready, and I thought I'd give it one more shot at obtaining one of these little gems.

Sure enough, the kind man behind the desk called the owner, who had decided he had so many cameras that he was going to bring in even more from his own personal collection and "give some away." I was then told "you can just take whatever sx-70s you want."

You can just take whatever sx-70s you want.

What?

Yeah, sure. Just don't take the Polaroid Printer.

...................OK!

So yeah. My passenger seat of my car now has 5 sx-70s (I snagged all) + a polaroid 450 which I didn't get to look too close at but the lenses on these are supposed to be really nice. All of the cameras were quite dusty but so far I just tried one of the ones with a sonar and it works! Just a couple pieces on it are broken but nothing that impairs picture taking.

Also, my slide film looks really cool. I can't wait to scan the photos from Videodrome! I just want to run around outside! Things are suddenly just really really nice lately and I'm still quite surprised!

Also, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch today and the only thing I have right now is skippy chunky peanut butter. Rather than just grab a fork from upstairs, I used the next best thing to eat a bit of peanut butter with, which was the non-ink end of a fat sharpie marker. I win.

dear march

ok, fine, if you're going to rain, just get it over with now. I don't want to see this crap in July.

Kind wishes,
Jess

--

also, hm. I might sew some decoy rabbits to a black dress for tomorrow evening. i just hope there aren't any hunters that show up at the fez. ooh that reminds me I need to see if I can find some color fuji peel apart film..this may be tricky as lately im having difficulty finding it in the photo shoppes and im not sure why....black and white is always there but not the color..and it looks really good.. if not though, 'tis ok.

--

also, my usage of text emoticons displaying the 'happy face' has soared recently. id like to state that while this is extremely unfamiliar territory, it's extremely welcome. and nice. I think I've missed out on some things. and the bonus part is that most of the time I end up then smiling IRL. haha, yeah I typed that. but really. see?

:)

ok time to get sushi, I'm treating myself! Thanks tax returns! You were way smaller than I thought!

let me see you stripped down to the bone

i remember playing depeche mode's 'stripped' everytime I got in sight of a keyboard. been listening to it rather obsessively lately, particularly the 'highland mix' version as its a bit darker, slower, and in a sense, romantic as hell, or at least it conjures up those feelings for me. as well as much minimal 1980s synth from france, and it goes without saying, kraftwerk has made a huuuuuuge comeback in my little cd player and record player lately, and that my dears is a very good sign im relatively happy.

also, GODDAMNIT, someone has posted a 4x5 burke and james monorail camera w/ lens AND polaroid 545 back on craigslist for $150.00. They are up the road in lexington. this is very cheap. right before I checked the ol' camera listings, I dropped some money on the new monochromatic film + more fadetoblack film PLUS maybe more polaroid chocolate film, I can't remember if I threw that in there... how impulsive, as usual. I have sold some things on ebay that made more money than I thought, so its sort of like....its just getting recycled. however, this makes traveling a little more difficult.

other nice things are happening too. ive been dancing a lot more lately. and shooting polaroids every day, and walking around late at night, and catching myself smiling a lot more.

ok. back to work and checking on the live owl box web cam feed.

"I rejoice that there are owls. Let them do the idiotic and maniacal hooting for men. It is a sound admirably suited to swamps and twilight woods which no day illustrates, suggesting a vast and underdeveloped nature which men have not recognized. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all [men] have." - henry david thoreau

also, im really looking forward to thee fez tonight. lately i feel like a moth who REALLY finds itself immersed in those red lights... it seems those lights are serving better guidance than the moon. also, the company of some particularly intriguing people.

i haven't really written much of note lately so here's a brief bit before I meet up with a couple friends.

i have a favorite phrase. or maybe it's a part of one. "when you least expect it".

i took photos, obtained 2 cameras, fished through life magazine for a long time, spent $6.00 on amazing postcards, sent the russians to sneak up on the german forces but that one didn't work out too well so instead I flew a kite that I keep in my car for times like that when I'm again by myself, trekked up to providence, found something rad at the fucking goth store, trekked to the apartment where there was a lot of kids here, threw a lot of stuff in my hair, off to tt the bears and watch a strange crowd. dj chris ewen did play depeche mode which i enjoyed and that other 80s tune thats REALLY good and I cant remember the name. also lady gaga which again, I still don't get.... later a dear friend and I watched a cat circle around the block a bunch. he guards this particular part of cambridge.

spring is off to a really nice start. Im getting out more. the desire to be around people, particularly those I care about or moreso wish to see a lot more is surprisingly high, unlike last spring/summer, which was fantastic but acceptingly lone-wolf. hm.

ok, i need to eat something and call my cat.

"I have spit my pitch gum out of my mouth onto her walls and floors and sometimes onto her booths."

Episode 28, Log Lady Introduction:

(Holding log directly in front of her, instead of the usual position cradled in her arms.)

"A log is a portion of a tree. (Turning end of log to camera.) At the end of acrosscut log--many of you know this--there are rings. Each ring represents one year in the life of the tree. How long it takes to grow a tree!

"I don't mind telling you some things. Many things I, I mustn't say. Just notice that my fireplace is boarded up. (She glances over her right shoulder at the fireplace and the camera moves over to it, where we see the opening covered by plywood.) There will never be a fire there.

"On the mantelpiece, in that jar, are some of the ashes of my husband. (Camera pans up to the mantel where we see a vase, a pipe stand, and some old pictures--none recognizable.)

(Camera pans down to Log Lady.) "My log hears things I cannot hear. But my log tells me about the sounds, about the new words. Even though it has stopped growing larger, my log is aware."

yes yes yes

mars

my little scottish spy here. im going through mars withdrawl! but fortunately my camera is here and it still has video and photos of her. she's the bestest.

pet shop boys and rocky and bullwinkle

WOW is today nice out! i made a b-day/KittenDay card for a rad pal in the ct territory, out of the centerfold photo of a cat fancy magazine...yeah thats right, Cat Fancy has centerfolds and THEY ARE HOTTER THAN NAKED WOMEN IN MAGAZINES. I'm eventually going to turn the whole magazine into an extended card and mailed it out. went to the wildlife refuge on my break and photo'd things and am immersed in the pet shop boys as I research photos of things that are actually pretty rad...like shrews!!!! they are rodent-y and much cuter than gunshot wounds with lots of brains, which I've just gotten so accustomed to.

damn. apparently moscow is one of the most expensive cities to travel to. that might be on the backburner.

this weekend was fun too. i experienced videodrome at the common ground in allston on saturday night and had SO much fun! i took a whole roll of photos with the russian camera just of the television screens showing the weirdest, most hilarious 80s footage i have ever seen. thank you to john for sending word about this! earlier, i got trained on a new owl to handle. that was fun. its fun to hold things that way a 1/4 of a pound. thats like a hamburger with feathers, tallons, and a beak.

also yesterday i saw very rad friends from my high school who are the type that will make you laugh until it hurts. funny how most in my grade sucked but those 3 or 4 years older much cooler. anyway, part of yesterday's theme involved what's called chatroulette. i had heard of this recently but basically i was created from a 17 year old in russia. Woah. like aim but video chatting with random people and just clicking 'next' a lot because a lot of it is super gross but when yr with a group of older, stupid boys and 1 cat, its great. this is all parts hilarious, terrifying, gross, and just fucking bizarre. definitely an evening of being completely dumb, typing like you're a 14 year old girl, and seeing a lot of male junk from other people's video feeds.
will did most of the typing, which meant the average time someone talked to us either through typing or speaking was 10 seconds. so.good.

this is us being retarded:


and this is ralf from kraftwerk:

a recap.

all will be ok I think. indeed, and to give me some credit here, i was a little overdue for a miniature breakdown.


update: i have the apartment to m'self and although it would be a good time to clean my room im gonna just watch twilight zone and get a good night sleep. i went down to providence after work (3rd time in a row this week!) to get dinner with stu, his girlfriend and their friend meg. it was a lot of fun and anxiety seemed to fade away. stu has a terrific sense of humor so its a blast to hang out and hear about him eating stuff from trashcans in vancouver and being part of the whole olympics thing, except operating puppets and dressing in crazy costumes and masks. we went to this place, espara (?) that I had been to once before with a former boyfriend and BOY is it good. not eatnig for a couple days besides tea and animal crackers and this was great. its a cambodian asian restaurant that's in the shittiest part of the west side of providence, which i really need to come and photograph some of the signs down there....they're amazing! anyway. then i checked my email and got a really nice message from the krautrock night. its a nice reminder that friends are good to have. so anyway. aside from feeling a bit like....extremely breakable glass...here's hoping this weekend is good... im gonna attack the east bay bike path.

disclaimer.

left to one's own thoughts that start to spin in a territory the likes of which I haven't seen in well over a year, combined with noticing the car in the other lane coming into mine head on as if to kiss my car going well over the speed limit, well, things burst in my brain yesterday. welcome to my ability to self-destruct and trying not to all at once.

such has occured this evening. some nerves went off. i wished I wasn't in a car. didn't want to go home, which lately i don't want to go to anyway, so i went to providence to just calm down. drank something that on wikipedia i read used to be "an aphrodisiac for hogs". brilliant. schwarzhogg or whatever it was called, mixed with something else....this probably wasn't such a good plan. evening was nice + jef bought me dinner which was very kind.... and for the most part I started feeling better but around 1:00ish am it hit again and I just disappeared down the stairs into my car, already noticing something wet and salty hurting on the eylids. somehow ive gotten home using a steering wheel a gas pedal and a brake pedal. i walked in front of a car and nearly got hit making it the 2nd time tonight ive almost gotten severely hurt.

so-what the fuck does this mean, you ask? That is a valid question. its no ones fault. i just realize from time to time that i am certainly a lone wolf in this big crowd. and while this has been more than acceptable and certainly over the last year I've come to almost weirdly admire such independence and finding love in the company of car trips to antiques in old buildings, for example, im just going to state for the record that right now i sure could use to be taken under the wing of......human company. polaroids, birds, kittens, and the threat of atomic warfare can only do so much.
and again, as dearly as I value doing my own strange little alone-person dance which I have been more than accustomed to, really for years.... eh.. ill stop. it'd be much easier to explain some things by explaining 2005-2010 but that could take a while and I don't think anyone is interested in that boat.


yeah.


again. profuse apologies all around. im pretty sure I'll come out of this little trench momentarily.

but.. almost getting into a head on car collision and suddenly i had things to say as if i were writing a will. im not sure what the connection is. i should sleep and go fuck myself despite the fact that if anyone were to tell me ]its ok' i'd feel...fine....or better...but at this hour that won't happen.

computer love.

pps

http://cffinc.org/pages/show-page.php

ps. I am reminded daily that my gender includes some of the most idiotic things i've ever heard. just saying.

the camera is going to be your best friend

lately, daily, I listen to karl bartos and I'm not quite ready to stop. kraftwerk with more pop but it's still his sound. plus one of the nicest voices ive ever heard. so while the rest of you girls can drool over that prick from twilight, I'll continue to have cartoon hearts and birds twirl around my head everytime I listen to this German genius.

someone's gotta make films based off this shit.

from the RI missed connections on craigslist, dated 1/24/10:

"SECOND BEACH BIRD"

"I passed by you and our dogs stopped to wag tails at each other. Just as you smiled a seagull overhead dropped a load. You laughed and asked me if that was bad luck since it missed you. I couldn't think of anything to say so I just laughed. Would love to take you out sometime and show you how a real seagull treats a lady. Promise I won't miss. Let me know the color combo of my nylon tracksuit if you're interested."

Brilliant.

what's in the water?

robots to take care of the 150,000 landmines in the Baltic Sea for Russia.

wow.

a sock of fleagulls

continued from monday's bike ride, today is all about listening to a flock of seagulls and just working and looking at vintage spearguns. hoping to feel better today.

is it gross, babe?

marc sent me a video of this irking girl with a botfly in her head. it was really funny, my favorite part being when her champ boyfriend has just pulled the maggot out of her head and she asks with a slight hint of fear in her voice "is it gross, babe?"





----

so, recently i saw a movie titled Until The Light Takes Us. While I wasn't overly blown away by the film and instead much more intrigued by the trailer, and this might have had something to do with the cops having to show up to the midnite showing at the coolidge and us all being kicked out temporarily, my ears did agree with a couple of the tunes played whilst during the film. there's certain melodies I just am extremely attracted to in loud, raw, intense music...but only very select.. and because today is just that kind of day, i've been listening to a couple songs by this early norweigan black metal band called burzum. if I can enjoy both irish chamber pop music as that of the divine comedy, and end the day with a song titled dunkelheit, I win.


some day I guess if I don't end up getting in trouble and having to delete this blog, I guess I'd look back on it and see what I was up to. I hope I appreciate the stuff I appreciate now as a 26 year old as when I'm 56 or dare I say 76.

but until then, i am about to fall asleep, and if I wake up at 1:30am and i'm on this stupid desk I am going to be so pissed.

words that rhyme with 'radiation'

alienation
blotation
clarification
communication
concentration
coordination
explanation
equivocation
evaluation
flotation
humiliation
illumination
improvisation
information
lamination
larification
multiplication
obligation
propagation
quotation
radiation-station (well sort of!)
registration
rotation
sensation
starvation
synchronization

if i was a kitten I'd be this kitten

yes, that would be my award for best household pet, why thank you.


and if i were a bird i'd start with today. jessica livingston seagull!

I'm going on a birding trip tomorrow with a bunch of people I don't know and the director of the museum. I'm looking forward to it as I'm eager to see where all the snowy owls hide out at the airport and see a long eared owl up close.

today I've watched some videos of parrots swearing.

um. hm. I guess that's it! i got semi-dressed up today for no reason. im sure by the end of the day i will look like I've been beat up in both eyes as i'm sure i'll rub my eyelids from the pain of staring at a computer screen all day and i will have forgotten i threw on this stuff called shoe polish, I mean war paint for girls, i mean mascara + black eyelid liner, and it will just go everywhere. so good idea, jesstard. in the end, who cares.

finally, ive decided to enlist a bit of help in converting my beautiful polaroid 110a to take 4x5. I could do it myself for the smaller pack film as I looked up how to do it and I have access to a dremel tool, but 4x5 im a little nervous about taking apart this thing and not having it work. its a little bit of money but it'll be surely worth it. i have idea for some 4x5 instant photos i'd like to take involving all the little figurines of presidents i have and 'gulliver's travels' kind of visuals. thought about it on the drive to work. always something to think about.

expired toothpaste

I couldn't really think of a title for this one but at the moment I'm staring at a package of numerous small boxes of expired toothpaste given to me by a co-worker who's wife is a dentist. I doubt her patient's teeth get cleaned with expired toothpaste but whatevers.

So today I drove in to work looking at the clouds and trees and thought how much radder they look through an infrared filter. And then I remembered I got paid today. And that I don't have anymore infrared film after the last airplane photos got messed up. And that I should just get some.

As soon as this I get paid on ebay for selling an extra copy of super mario allstars, I'm buying A roll of some expensive film.

so impulsive.

Peter Scott Peters was also in a movie where they saved Hitler's brain.

ok so obviously today there is a reoccuring theme and I have found SO much in audio, video, and visual imagery of such a strange period known as events prior and leading up to the Cold War! I keep emailing myself numerous links to things so I don't forget them.

I'm listening to a song right now by Peter Scott Peters, called Fallout Shelter, and yet another 7" I would die to find. You know, if I was alive in 1962 and someone sang this to me I'd surely swoon. And while I'm thinking "romantically" here, I'd absolutely make out in a fallout shelter listening to this song. And you know what? It'd be amazing. Yeah, I said it. Plus, Mr. Peters was also in a film called "They Saved Hitler's Brain" which if you don't know what it's about, just look at the title, r-tard.


*ahem*.
Lyrics:

I'm not scared
I'm prepared
I'll be spared

I've got a fallout shelter, it's 9 by 9,
A Hi-Fi set and a jug of wine
Let the missiles fly from nation to nation
It's party time in my radiation station
A 14 day supply of multi-purpose food
Water, medicine, be sure to include
Build your bomb bungalow, you needn't postpone
With no down payment and an FHA loan

Let the tests go on in the atmosphere
In my fallout shelter, I'll have no fear
My baby and me, cozy we'll be
Away from radioactivity

Twenty megatons is the size of the boom,
And if they let it go, I'll feel no doom,
Let the cats run about, helter-skelter
I'm gonna live, live, live, in my fallout shelter

I'm not scared
I'm prepared
I'll be spared

Twenty megatons is the size of the boom,
And if they let it go, I'll feel no doom,
Let the cats run about, helter-skelter
I'm gonna live, live, live in my fallout shelter

So if you want to be full of confidence
Get survival jazz and civil defense
You'll live like a king in your fallout pad
Till all the clear sounds on CONELRAD
Dial six-four-o, twelve-four-0-, CONELRAD.

Leave De Atom Alone by Josephine Premice [1958]

Ever since the apple in the garden with Eve
Man always foolin' with things that cause him to grieve
He fool with the woman, with the Roman hot blood
And he almost washed up by the 40 day flood
But not since the doom day in old Babylon
Did he fool with anything so diabolical as the cyclotron
So if you wish to avoid the most uncomfortable trip to paradise
You will be scientific and take my advice

Leave de atom alone
Leave de atom alone
Don't get smart alexy with the galaxy
Leave atom alone

If you want to keep riding in Cadillac car
If you don't want to surely go to heaven prematurely on a shooting star
If it pleasures your heart to keep smoking that big fat cigar
Let me drive the point home
Leave de atom alone

If you want Mississippi to stay where it is
If you want to see Wall Street and General Motors continue in biz
If you want Uncle Sam to keep holding what's yours and what's his
If you're fond of kith and kin in their skin and bone
Don't fool around with hydrogen
Leave de atom alone

Bad for the teeth, bad for the bone
Don't fool with it, leave it alone

If you like Paris in the springtime (Paris in the springtime)
London in the fall (London in the fall)
Manhattan in the autumn (Manhattan in the autumn)
With music on the mall (with music on the mall)
Stop fooling with the fallout
Or puff the cosmic ball
Or soon you will be fissionable material

(Bad for the teeth, bad for the bone
Don't fool with it, leave it alone!)

Don't mess around you dopes
Lay off the isotopes

Don't you fuss with the nucleus
Don't go too far with the nuclear

Don't get gay with the cosmic ray
You'll burn your fingers, lose your hair
You'll leave big smog in the atmosphere

You're most exasperated
When radioactivated
And cannot be located on telephone

Go on back! (to rock and roll-a)
(To Rum and Coca Cola)
Go back to Eve, but leave de atom alone
(Bad for the teeth) That's right!, (bad for the bone) Uh Huh!
(Don't fool with it)

You'll spoil your complexion
Tie up the traffic
Jam up your plumbing
Lose your sweet disposition

(Don't fool with it)
Leave it alone

diet:mouse

ps. I love when owls also look like teddy bears.
I really want to get trained on handling the sweet little barred.
more here

But you could be one of those that sort of go mental with a pen...

found a short video of when the skunk was in quarantine at the museum. he still is quite fat!

cranioklepty continued.

People are still stealing skulls.

the somerville journal's somerville speakout is amazing, I am laughing so much right now at the readings by patrick bryant.

during an extremely windy night, post-cat nap.

there's a typewriter case on my bed.

one major perk about my occupation is that I have access to the internet all day. While this time and time again has proved more than a distraction, I could wizz through the day getting a lot of work done as long as I was listening to a This American Life podcast. I've missed it for the last couple months or so and to my dismay it had stopped downloading automaticallly in my itunes like 4 or 5 times so I'm missing some, but fortunately you can listen to all of them on their website.
I had all of season 1 and pt of season 2 on my computer before that died. But the last episode I watched was the John Smith one and woah did tears come out.
So while I have a bit of time to be awake I'm going to attack netflix and watch some more of season two. I hope Ira comes out to do the show in Massachusetts soon, he came out like 3 times last year and I missed it every time.

In other news, neti pots are a fucking dreamboat for the nose! I was just informed about this recently. I might go get my neti pot fix in before bed. It's so wonderful.

In other other news, it's almost the end of January!!! That means like, one more month and then I can start looking forward to the return of birds and some better weather. I haven't been exercising in over 3 weeks and its starting to make me feel like a big block of crap so today I lifted some exorcise in the living room. I do have some winter bike clothing now except for maybe a shirt (but i did have a shirt somewhere?) but regretfully its going to snow tomorrow. Regardless, I'm catsitting for Mars (!!!) and grizzelda in westport this weekend so Im going to bring my bike down and hopefully it won't snow and I'll get in a ride through westport and not die.

What else.

My dear friend Stu asked me online "Hey, can I ask you a personal question? Is buying condoms in bulk online kind of creepy? Its just cheaper that way." This made me laugh. Then he sent me a video of some Japanese game show with a Japanese guy who was pretending to be Louis Armstrong....who had a painted black face. And then said he ordered Japanese condoms, for "they weren't made with child labor and don't have lead in them." I asked if it was because of this guy on the Japanese game show and he said yes.

twin peaks deer

IMG_1415
Originally uploaded by jess elias

ps

i took a walk and photographed this crow, who eventually flew off with a group of 3 others to chase after a red tail hawk, i couldn't get my camera out of my stupid pockets in time.

also, here's me last night waiting for the red line T and not getting killed by a man wielding a machete (see previous post).

fuck you, Bank of America.

so I get a call last night from my mom close to midnight.

"Hello, could I borrow some money from you?" she asks in a very sad tone.

Apparently the bank has shut off my parents' line of credit on their house. They decided that their house was worth now less than half of what it is by holding the original amount on the line of credit against the house, and well, took it away. Without warning, at all. She called yesterday to frantically inquire and they said 'well we sent you a letter on the 20th, but we also have the right to pull the line without warning, here's a form to fill out online if you believe it should be reinstated'

The 20th was two days ago.

I'm livid and pissed off at the bank, and I really think now that the government should have just let all these banks fail and fall to shit, because obviously bailing them out in the billions didn't do what it was supposed to.

And in other news!!!! My manager drove me home from work last night and dropped me off at the Andrew T stop on the redline. Everything was fine aside from the crazy family + insane man in my t-car...until we got to Harvard Square and they woudln't let anyone off or on the train due to a "police incident". For 20 minutes. It turns out someone was running around Harvard Square with a machete.

hm.
ever just thought about something you haven't thought about in like, uh, well, 5 years?
regardless. ive stunned myself.
i have a little political speech later that i was working on sort of post-election and i spent a lot of time reading the comments section on npr's page following the results. it may or may not get posted.
today i retreated lijke a hermit crab at work and after work and just sunk in my own thoughts which are endless. wandered around boston post voting. wished i had an ipod again because it would block out mindless conversation. i think im getting winter fever. tomorrow will be much like today i think. aaaaagh. shit. only tomorrow i hope to have more time to look at post-atomic-explosion sites and strange video clips...today involved a lot of work and a lot of stress. whatever, i should stop bitching. there's a lot of south park to be watched.

Accordingly, Doctor

"Would you find, because the defendant was mentilaly ill at the time he committed this offense and that he could not substantially appreciate the conduct of his acts, the defendant to be guilty or innocent?"

I'm listening to The Birthday Party.

i never thought you'd be a junkie because heroin is so passe

so last night keanne and I went to a shoegaze-postpunk-goth/twin peaks themed evening at thee red fez in providence. she asked "What should I wear" and I said "uh, black?" and that was brilliant.

i wore a black dress with my 'the owls are not what they seem' twin peaks giant patch from an old tshirt and a black sweater and black chucks, i got compliments on the dress from this fellow in a fantastic suit named john i met who was spinning a lot of the shoegaze tunes in the beginning. I think this is also the john that ed mentions also adores twin peaks. so this was a very rad place to meet him. i drank a lot of cherry flavored drinks. keanne drinks alcohol super quick like a camel or something. anyway, it was nice to get out and be around a lot of people in a very visually intriguing bar. we admired all the taxidermy, i got to talk to ed and sarah for a while about birds of prey, ed's weirdo sister with the one arm, falconry, twin peaks, and the mighty boosh, it was rad. yes we danced. this was fun, a lot of intriguing people were there. ex from 2000 and ex from 2005 were there which was interesting.

I have at the moment a huge headache that's occured all day. My roommates cat is sitting on the batman blanket on my bed so I took some photos of her paws. This in turn made me miss mars to the extreme. I know mars has been keeping watch over my parents house, eyeing birds, and making my mom happy, but mars's real mother here in somerville has been feeling a little empty-hearted and a bit lonesome due to a lack of kittenage. shes my partner in crime. so, I really think I need to make some arrangements and have a chat with roommates about the inclusion of my little bunny here. she's already almost 7 years old and I feel like the last 2 years i havent seen her nearly enough. oh man this is actually really starting to bum me out. i feel like a bad cat mother but then again not having mars subjected to the living situations ive been in and instead had one comfortable place to be while I try and deal is a little more soothing to me. I think my next voicemail is just going to be mars...meowchirping or purring. that fucking cat means more to me than anything.

ANYWAY........what should I do when I get back my tax return money? It's going to be over $3000.00 - which is kind of cool. Here's what Im thinking:

NCO - fuck you, but this would get you off my back.
$1000.00 to current credit card bill, $800.00 of which was for car. yeah, this probably has to happen.
$3000.00 worth of polaroid film. HAHAHA! how ridiculous would this be? Oh I would do it.
a mamiya 7ii. like, $1000.00. But I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally shouldn't...but..but............BUT.



a vacation. hello aurora borealis in alaska, lets set the stage for some dreams.
or eastern europe and your magical, mysterious appeal.
or a very small town in Russia. this I'd love.
or 100 miles east of las vegas.
or floating down the mississippi in a swanboat.
or the dakotas (if they have raptor rehab centers)
or down south to take part in a civil war reinactment. I keep re-thinking about this again......
or to birmingham alabama and hang out at the bottletree.

and daydreaming interrupted! kate just said that joe's sister is obsessed with pauly from the jersey shore. cats my dogs.....

I was obsessed over this for EVER.


IQ ZOO

The world is getting weirder.

(From Pravda.Ru - thanks to Mike Valle for sending me the weirdest fucking news ever).

Sheep Gives Birth to Human-Faced Lamb in Turkey

A sheep gave birth to a dead lamb with a human-like face. The calf was born in a village not far from the city of Izmir, Turkey.

Erhan Elibol, a vet, performed Cesarean section on the animal to take the calf out, but was horrified to see that the features of the calf's snout bore a striking resemblance to a human face.

"I've seen mutations with cows and sheep before. I've seen a one-eyed calf, a two-headed calf, a five-legged calf. But when I saw this youngster I could not believe my eyes. His mother could not deliver him so I had to help the animal," the 29-year-old veterinary said.

The lamb's head had human features on - the eyes, the nose, the mouth - only the ears were those of a sheep.

Veterinaries said tha the rare mutation most likely occured as a result of improper nutrition since the fodder for the lamb's mother was abundant with vitamin A, CNNTurk.com reports.

In Zimbabwe, a goat gave birth to a similar youngster in September 2009. The mutant baby born with a human-like head stayed alive for several hours until the frightened village residents killed him.

The governor of the province where the ugly goat was born said that the little goat was the fruit of unnatural relationship between the female goat and a man.

"This incident is very shocking. It is my first time to see such an evil thing. It is really embarrassing," he reportedly said. "The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control. We often hear cases of human beings who commit bestiality but this is the first time for such an act to produce a product with human features," he added.

The mutant creature was hairless. Local residents said that even dogs were afraid to approach the bizarre animal.

The locals burnt the body of the little goat, and biologists had no chance to study the rare mutation.

Also read: Russian Woman Gives Birth to Cyclops Baby.




(brilliant).

the phone call.

ugh, not again, because I don't care if they give you a stress ball that's shaped like a brain and a lady that stares in your eyes during the whole ordeal, it still fucking hurts.

from the world of captions

"Never assume a motionless patient is dead."

Well, I would have known that, but I guess it should go in a medical book anyway.

Meanwhile, my friend mike sent me a youtube video called Death Metal Rooster, I immediately thought of my friend Dan and sent it to him, who was freaked out, because 3 other people sent it to him today as well.

I just want to smash it with the sledge hammer you're so pretty....

in dear need of a nap so I guess that's where Im going.
today was okay except that I got in a tiff with a cop who was about to tow my car, and now i have a ticket that he couldn't do anything about. for parking my car, in the correct space, with a permit. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



a bike ride is imminent today I think but first a much needed nap and then to work on a post card.

well....almost done with that phase

so, in my lifetime thus far, I've lost my atm card maybe about 30 times. At least. Wallet a lot. Cell phone numerous. To the point where Fleet Bank (now bank of america) told me in 2005 that they wouldn't replace my card anymore because I kept losing it, thus I had to switch to a different bank.

Anyway, my wallet is sitting at trader joes, its 11:12pm, I had to turn away my friend Dana from hanging out because I felt like I was going to puke.

I should go get it now, instead of watching Ran. F.

on another note, I ordered nada surf tickets today! which makes me happy. because it'll sell out, and I have tickets already. I win.

so

2009 is gone and now it's 2010. legend of zelda music in the background< i think im going for one more dungeon and calling it quits.

..................................................................................................................

ill leave the rest for the sketchbook.